How to Give Feedback to Your Therapist
How to Give Feedback to Your Therapist (Without it Being Awkward)
A common misconception about therapy is that your therapist is supposed to "just know" what you're thinking or feeling.
In reality, therapy works best when there’s ongoing communication and reciprocal feedback.
That means your therapist wants to know if something isn't working—even if it's uncomfortable to say. In fact, some of the most meaningful breakthroughs happen after clients speak up about something that felt off in the therapy room or within the therapeutic relationship.
If you've ever thought:
"I don't think my therapist understands me."
"I didn't like what they said last session."
"I don't want to hurt their feelings."
"What if they don’t like me after I tell them how I really feel?"
You're far from alone.
Why Giving Feedback Matters
Therapists are trained to pay attention to patterns, emotions, and behaviors—but we're still human. We don't always get it right.
Maybe we misunderstood what you meant.
Maybe we moved on too quickly when you were right at the moment of a breakthrough.
Maybe we challenged you before you felt ready.
Or maybe we skipped over something important and went in a different direction than what you’d hoped.
The only way we know is if you tell us.
Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of successful therapy outcomes. Honest conversations—even difficult ones—can strengthen that relationship rather than damage it.
Your Therapist Won't Be Offended
Many people worry they'll hurt their therapist's feelings.
The reality?
A good therapist welcomes feedback.
Most therapists would much rather hear:
“When you said that, I felt like you didn’t understand what I was trying to say”
than have you silently lose trust, dread coming to sessions, or stop therapy altogether.
Constructive feedback helps your therapist better understand your needs and adjust their approach.
What Tough Feedback Might Sound Like
You don't need to have the perfect words.
You can simply say:
"I left last session feeling misunderstood."
"I'm not sure we're focusing on what's most important to me."
"That intervention didn't really work for me."
"I would like for you to challenge me more."
"I actually think I need a little more time before we go there."
“I was confused last session when you asked me X. Can you explain why you asked that?”
"Can we slow down?"
"Can you explain why we're doing this exercise?"
Your therapist isn't grading your communication skills. They're listening for what's underneath your experience.
What If You Don't Like Confrontation?
Many people come to therapy precisely because difficult conversations are hard.
If speaking up feels overwhelming, you might start by saying:
"This is uncomfortable for me to bring up, but I think it's important."
That sentence alone tells your therapist a lot.
It also creates an opportunity to practice something therapy is designed to help with: having honest conversations in safe relationships.
What If Your Therapist Gets Defensive?
While most therapists appreciate feedback, they're human too.
If your therapist dismisses your concerns, becomes defensive, or repeatedly makes you feel unheard after you've tried to address it, it's worth paying attention.
One awkward conversation isn't necessarily a sign that therapy isn't working.
But if you consistently feel unable to be yourself or your concerns aren't taken seriously, it may be time to consider whether the therapeutic fit is right.
Finding the right therapist sometimes takes more than one attempt, and that's okay.
At the same time, try to approach the conversation with curiosity. There may be a good reason your therapist did or said something that didn't make sense to you. Perhaps they were trying to help you notice a pattern, encourage a different perspective, or gently challenge something that’s hard to hear but important to help you make progress. By asking about it, you give your therapist the chance to explain their clinical thinking—and you may leave with a very different understanding than you had when the session ended. Like any healthy relationship, therapy often benefits when both people are open to listening as well as sharing.
Feedback Helps Therapy Work Better
Think about any other professional relationship.
If your physical therapist keeps giving exercises that aggravate your knee, you'd tell them.
If your doctor prescribed a medication causing side effects, you'd mention it.
Therapy is no different.
Your therapist can only adjust their approach if they know what's happening for you.
You Don't Have to Protect Your Therapist
Many clients find themselves worrying about disappointing their therapist or hurting their feelings.
Ironically, that concern often reflects patterns that show up elsewhere in life—putting other people's comfort ahead of your own needs.
Therapy can be a place to practice something different.
By speaking honestly, you're not creating a problem— you're creating an opportunity for deeper understanding, stronger trust, and more effective therapy.
The Bottom Line
The best therapy isn't about having a perfect therapist.
It's about building a relationship where honesty feels possible.
If something isn't working, say so.
Your therapist can't read your mind—but they do want to understand your experience.
Sometimes the conversation you're most tempted to avoid becomes the one that moves therapy forward.
Looking for a Therapist Who Welcomes Honest Conversations?
At Proactive Therapy, we believe therapy works best when it’s truly collaborative. Our therapists encourage open dialogue and understand that feedback is an important part of the process. Whether you're starting therapy for the first time or looking for a better fit, we're here to help.
If you're looking for a therapist who values collaboration, welcomes honest feedback, and tailors treatment to your goals, learn more about our individual therapy services or schedule an appointment with one of our therapists.