Why You Shouldn't Ghost Your Therapist
By Tory Krone, AM, LCSW
Ghosting has become surprisingly common.
We ghost text messages. We ghost job recruiters. We ghost dates that didn't feel like the right fit. Sometimes it feels easier to quietly disappear than to have an uncomfortable conversation.
Unfortunately, that same pattern has started showing up in therapy.
Maybe you stopped scheduling after a session that didn't sit right. Maybe life got busy and it became easier to avoid reaching back out. Or maybe you decided your therapist just wasn't the right fit and moved on.
While you always have the right to end therapy, we hope you'll consider having one final conversation before you do.
Why? Because therapy is different than any other relationship in your life.
Therapy Is Built on Honest Conversations
Unlike many relationships, therapy is designed to be a place where difficult conversations can happen safely.
If something isn't working, your therapist wants to know.
If you felt misunderstood, frustrated, disappointed, or disconnected after a session, that isn't necessarily a sign that therapy has failed. It may simply be the beginning of an important conversation.
In fact, some of the most meaningful progress in therapy happens after a rupture—a moment when something didn't feel quite right—and the client and therapist work through it together.
Consider this example: Imagine your therapist makes a comment that feels dismissive, and you leave the session feeling hurt. Without realizing it, their tone reminded you of your older sister—the one you've barely spoken to in years because you always felt criticized and unheard. Your instinct is to pull away. You consider canceling your next appointment and finding a new therapist.
But instead, you bring it up.
As you talk through what happened, your therapist isn't defensive. They help you explore why that moment landed so strongly, acknowledge the impact it had on you, and explain what they had actually intended. Together, you begin to untangle the difference between what happened in the therapy room and the old wounds that were unexpectedly activated.
Suddenly, the session isn't just about a misunderstanding with your therapist—it's about understanding a pattern that has shaped many of your relationships. That conversation becomes an opportunity to experience something different: feeling heard instead of dismissed, staying engaged instead of pulling away, and repairing a relationship instead of abandoning it.
Sometimes discomfort isn’t a sign that you should leave— it may be a sign that you’ve uncovered something important.
What If the Problem Was Actually Fixable?
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that if it doesn't feel right, the answer is to end it.
Sometimes that's true. There are certainly times where the fit isn’t ideal, the therapist doesn’t have the experience or training that would be best suited for you or they’re simply not what you want.
But other times, especially if the therapist felt like a good fit for you at the start, the issue may be fixable with a conversation.
Maybe you wish your therapist would:
Be more direct.
Listen more and offer fewer suggestions.
Challenge you less—or perhaps challenge you more.
Focus on different goals.
Understand you better.
Explain why they're asking certain questions.
Spend less time on one topic and more on another.
Here's the good news: these are often things your therapist can adjust.
Therapy isn't meant to be one-size-fits-all. Good therapists regularly adapt their approach based on what their clients need. But they can only make those adjustments if they know something isn't working.
A conversation that feels uncomfortable for five minutes could completely change the course of your therapy.
Curiosity Goes Both Ways
Sometimes clients leave therapy because something their therapist said felt hurtful, confusing, or out of touch.
Those feelings are really important..
AND, it's worth staying curious.
Therapists make intentional clinical decisions every day. They may ask a difficult question, gently challenge a pattern, or steer the conversation in a direction that doesn't immediately make sense. That doesn't always mean they got it right—but it does mean there may be a reason behind what they did or said.
By asking, "Can you help me understand why you approached it that way?" you give your therapist the opportunity to explain their thinking. You may still disagree, but you also may walk away with a completely different understanding of the session.
Your Therapist Cares About You
There's another perspective that many clients don't think about.
Therapists care deeply about the people they work with.
When someone who has been struggling suddenly disappears without explanation, most therapists don't assume everything is fine.
They worry. Are they okay? Did I miss something important?
They wonder. Did something happen? Was there something I could have done differently?
This isn't about hurt feelings or taking it personally. Therapists understand that not every client will continue therapy with them and that there will come a time when every therapeutic relationship ends.
What's difficult is not knowing whether the client is okay—or whether there was a misunderstanding that could have been resolved through one open conversation.
Sometimes Ending Therapy Is the Right Decision
Of course, there are times when ending therapy makes perfect sense.
Perhaps you've reached your goals.
Maybe you can’t afford it anymore.
Or perhaps you've realized another therapist or another approach would better meet your needs.
Those are all valid reasons to move on.
No matter how valid the reason, a termination session is a key part of therapy. It gives you the opportunity to have closure, set future goals, create a plan for next steps and to reflect on what you've gained before closing that chapter.
One Conversation Could Change Everything
If you're thinking about stopping therapy, consider giving it one more session.
Be honest about what's not working. Don’t tell them the issue is financial if it’s not.
Ask the questions you've been holding back.
Share what you wish were different.
Maybe you'll still decide it's time to move on, but at least you’ll know there wasn’t a missed opportunity.
Sometimes the conversation you're most tempted to avoid becomes the one that helps you grow the most.
Looking for a Collaborative Therapy Experience?
At Proactive Therapy, we believe therapy works best when it feels like a partnership. We encourage honest feedback, open communication, and collaboration throughout the process because we know that the strongest therapeutic relationships are built on trust—not perfection.
Whether you're starting therapy for the first time or looking for a therapist who feels like a better fit, we're here to help. Learn more about our individual, couples and family therapy or schedule an appointment at our downtown Chicago office or schedule telehealth therapy from anywhere in Illinois or Wisconsin.
Continue Exploring
Speaking honestly with your therapist is one way to get more from therapy. These articles can help you prepare for sessions, communicate your needs, and decide what support might be useful.
What Should I Talk About in Therapy?
Ten conversation starters for the days when you arrive at therapy and have no idea where to begin.
Read the articleHealthy Boundaries Aren’t About Controlling Other People
Learn the difference between communicating a need, making a request, and deciding how you will respond.
Read the article10 Signs It May Be Time to Start Therapy
Therapy does not have to be reserved for a crisis. Here are some signs that additional support could be helpful.
Read the article