Grief and Gratitude

With the outbreak of COVID-19 and no clear endpoint in sight, we are all experiencing grief. We are feeling deprived and overwhelmed with good reason! We have lost jobs, freedoms, connections and there is very little within our control right now. I’ve been grieving right alongside you. As these waves of grief pass through me I find myself in the ebbs thinking about gratitude. It may sound counter-intuitive to contemplate gratitude in times of loss, but that’s when we need it the most.

The evolutionary function of gratitude was likely to promote pro-social behavior. Imagine yourself as a caveman. I give you firewood, you feel gratitude towards me, and you are more likely to reciprocate. Pro-social behavior was essential to our ancestors' survival because they needed to be part of collaborative tribes to fend off predators, raise young, and share resources. We can activate these warm feelings of gratitude within ourselves by focusing on what we do have.

Gratitude creates a fundamental shift. In times of loss our world becomes very small; all we can focus on is what we are lacking. Gratitude creates an expansion where we can suddenly hold both our suffering and the things we have to be grateful for at the same time. Our world becomes a little bigger and feels a little less confining. An evidence-based way to cultivate gratitude in dark times is to start a gratitude journal. Record five things each day that you’re grateful for no matter how small. This practice activates the reward and connection pathways in our brains! Gratitude is just one of the many steps that go into coping with this difficult time, but my hope is that you'll find some resilience in the practice as I have.