Lies Your Mind Tells You (that may even be true) Part 2

By Staff Therapist

In my last post we talked about thoughts that seem “true” but that actually function to keep us stuck. Today, I want to continue the series and talk about a thought barrier that I bet we’ve all experienced at some point:

“I don’t have the motivation/energy to do the thing.”

We all know what motivation is, and what it feels like to have it. But sit for a moment and try to define precisely what it IS. Is it a substance, that fills up in the body? Is it an emotion, like anxiety or sadness? Something else? What about “energy?”

Typically, when I talk with a client about not having motivation, we’re talking about doing something unpleasant or uncomfortable (e.g., going to the gym, sticking to that intense meal prep plan, studying for the exam next week.) We rarely talk about a lack of motivation to see friends, play video games, or go on that beach vacation you’ve got coming up (although losing interest in what we enjoy can be a symptom of depression for some people.) This suggests that motivation is not a physical substance, but instead a product of a particular CONTEXT. It’s the experience we have when the thing we “should” do aligns with the thing we actually want to do.

Here’s what I mean: imagine the last time you felt a complete lack of motivation. You’re on the couch, watching The Office for the 100th time, unable to move. You’re aware that you have an exam coming up and that your laundry needs to be done, but ugh… no motivation. Jim and Pam are right there! Zero motivation, right? Now imagine the fire alarm goes off in your building, and you smell smoke. Would you remain on the couch, because you’re out of motivation during the day? Just turn the volume up and ignore it, because you can’t be bothered? Or would the motivation to move suddenly strike you, causing you to run and evacuate the building? (I hope it’s the latter.) In other words: context matters.

So if motivation is just a product of context, how can we use this to our advantage?

The first step is to acknowledge that “I don’t have the motivation” is not a helpful thought. It may be true, that you don’t have the motivation to study for the exam—but if that’s the end of the story, it won’t help you achieve your goals.

Second, it can be more helpful to ask yourself “what DO I have the motivation to do?” If you’re motivated to sit on the couch and watch The Office, see if you can recognize whether your body has a need that could be addressed. Do you need rest? A snack? Some time to decompress? Then ask yourself whether that need is being addressed—truly addressed—by the thing you’re doing. Allow yourself to set aside your “shoulds” in order to give your body what it needs.

Third, once your needs are addressed, come back to the “shoulds.” Do they need to be there? Where do they come from? Is the thing you’re dreading serving you? How? If it’s laundry: well, that doesn’t NEED to be done—but if you care about smelly clothes, we can connect with that value and move forward. If it’s sticking to that intense new meal plan, it might be an opportunity to allow yourself to dial it back a bit. In other words, practice connecting to what you want and what you care about, and practice putting some of the “shoulds” down.